Mindful self-soothing skills to cope with difficult emotions - part 1

When we find ourselves hijacked by large emotions, it can feel there’s no way out. But just because we’ve been hijacked, doesn’t mean we can’t find our way back to groundedness.

The following self-soothing skills are different ways to help us cope with times of stress, anxiety, emotional flooding, or feeling triggered.

Some skills help us do this by bringing us back to the present moment; some bring us back to our bodies; and some help remind us we’re safe by pulling us out of our amygdalas (brain’s fear center) and into our prefrontal cortexes (the area of our brain that is associated with logic, analysis, and skillful verbal articulation).

Each of our nervous systems are different, so some skills will work better for us than others. I encourage you to experiment to identify what works for you!

Breathing

• Color Breathing.
  Pick a color that represents relaxation and calm for you. And, if you can, pick another that represents the release of what’s no longer serving you. When you inhale, visualize yourself breathing in your Relaxation Color. When you breathe out, visualize yourself expelling your Release Color. Repeat this at least 3 times, or until you feel a shift in your mind or body.

• Slow outbreaths.
  Exhales are connected with our nervous systems’ relaxation processes, while inhales energize and invigorate us. Practice breathing in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth. When exhaling, purse your lips to form a tube or straw shape, and breathe out as slowly as you can, such as to the count of 8 or 10. Repeat this as many times as necessary, remembering to take your time and not rush the process.

Body-based skills

• Simple touch.
  Place one hand on your heart, and one hand on your belly. Observe the way your heart and breath rise and fall. You do not need to change your breath: simply notice and sit with the sensations.

• Soothing touch.
  Practice showing yourself a little tenderness using a body movement or gesture. Gently squeezing the sides of your arms, caressing or stroking your own arms or face, or slowly rocking yourself can have a profound impact on cortisol levels (the stress hormone that’s associated with fear and our fight-or-flight responses).

• Neck-holding.
  Cup one hand (or both hands) and place it/them on the back of your neck. Allow yourself to feel into the warmth and solidity that your cupped hand creates on the back of your neck. This is a very vulnerable, sensitive area of our body that is closely connected with our lizard brains and fear centers, and holding it helps our inner children feel literally “held”, cared for, and contained. As you hold your neck, you may also want to breathe slowly or hold your other hand against your heart or belly for additional reassurance and support.

• Pedaling Feet.
  Sit somewhere solid and firm, and push your feet against something that is also solid and firm (for example, the floor, a wall, or a bar underneath your table or chair). Make sure you are pushing firmly enough that you can really feel the pressure of the solid object against your feet, but not so hard that you hurt yourself.
  Pedal your feet against the solid object as though you’re kneading or making biscuits. Move slowly through your foot, kneading first with your heels, then slowly into your arches, then the flats of your feet, and finally into all of your toes. Take your time and really make sure to fully feel into all the sensations that come up when you push and pedal each section of your feet.

• Cold therapy.
  Try holding ice cubes in your hands, or against the back of your wrists. Hold them there as long as you’re able, but not so long that you’re in real pain. Alternative options include using cold water on your face, or even a short but very cold shower.
  Cold therapy helps shock the nervous system and interrupt the flow of Fight/Flight chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline that course through our bodies when we’re in distress. This interruption gives us a moment, and opportunity to come back to center.